Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Relationships Day 3

This next post is surrounding the following question... What constitutes a good relationship in your mind?

The key being "your mind".  We tend to answer this question based on how we were brought up, society influences and past experiences.  The real fact is, none of these external stimuli, can help "you" answer this.  In my opinion, this is the biggest reason we have relationship issues to start with.  We live by others ideas of what we're supposed to do with our lives.  We are bombarded with suggestive undertones in every manner of our life.

You may be saying to yourself right now, "Well how do I block out the influence?".  As in previous posts, internal thought is a powerful tool.  Thinking about the things which truly make you happy is always the starting point.  Challenging yourself to break from the mental prison, of attempting to please everyone in your life; this is what we have been conditioned to do all our lives.  "It's important what others think of us and our actions", "This is what I've always done", "This is all I know".  You can control only one person, and that person is you.

So to start to answer the above question, once again you need to be in tune with your true self.  Once you are at this point, now the fun begins.  I know right now everyone that is reading this is making a list in their heads -   wrong - this is where you continue to make mistakes, over and over again.  Remove the list, must haves, and types (this will be recurring theme :P).  These distractions muddy the waters of what you really want; reason being is most of these things are based on someone else's idea of the "Perfect mate or relationship".

What makes a relationship good in my opinion is when you can't imagine yourself with anyone else.  Many will immediately say, I have that.  You may very well have that and if so good for you.  Couple questions you now need to ask yourself.  Do you really feel that way?  Does your partner feel that way?  If you don't know how they feel, then ask.  Remember from previous posts, ask direct, open, and honest questions to gain understanding of your partners mindset.  In the example from the last post, one person knew their answer, but didn't know their partner's answer.  This is very important; open, direct, and honest communication is staple to answer the relationship question you have.  If you aren't asking these questions, you're doing yourself a great disservice; you are in a relationship with your head in the sand.  The old "don't ask don't tell", is a poor choice if you want to be successful.

I talk about knowing what you want quite a bit.  I want to make sure everyone understands what I mean by this - it isn't compiling your list of things you want from a partner.  It is in fact, understanding what makes you, you - the things that make you happy and fulfilled.  No one can "make" you happy, you need too be at that point prior to engaging in a relationship.  Too often we bring unresolved issues into new relationships.  So I challenge you to again break the cycle.  Most people have experienced many failed relationships, repeating age honored(or lack thereof) tactics.  Understanding who you are won't guarantee you will have successful relationships, however, it will help you judge the temperature of your current relationship.  People stay in poor relationships way too long.  They do this because they are using these people to fill voids in their own person. This is the crux of many of relationship issues.  People think being with this person or that person will complete them.  People, this isn't working....

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Until the next blog....


Mr. P36