Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Relationships Day 4

Ok people, now to one of my all-time favorite questions: Are you willing and able to give 100%?

This is a question which will prompt many folks to immediately respond with the word yes.  I caution everyone to Slow down before you open your mouth and answer yes.  Quite often, we think we aren't the problem, yet the fact is, we all are the problem.  We look at the person we are in a relationship with and say, "They won't do this","They wont do that".  We rarely ask ourselves, "What am I willing to do for this person and what am I not willing to do?".  The canned, ridiculous response people are saying right now is, "I would do anything for them".  I have to clue everyone in on the fact that is a self told lie. 

Most people you will be in a relationship with in your life aren't "The One".  This is a fact, some may say a sad fact, however, we need to be grounded in reality.  Over the years, I've listened to many friends tell me, "He is the one" or "She is the one".  Now that's fine, but, they have said it for multiple partners, if not all of their partners.  Let's analyze that scenario, we are talking about "The One"; how could you possibly have more than one, "The One"?  You can't, so stop living in fantasy land.  Finding "The One" is like looking for a needle in a large hay stack.  If you approach it with a different mindset, I believe you can arrive at your destination.  This journey to your destination could be a long, possibly never-ending journey, or a short one.  We have no control over the journey, other than ourselves.  This means, if you are truly in a position to give a person 100% of yourself, you have controlled the only thing you can control, which is you.

The reason why this is a very tricky question is, how many people truly understand what 100% means?  It's something that is easily said, but, it is rarely followed through. A very high percentage of us hold something back from our partner.  It may be a flaw we perceive we have; a family situation, job situation, thoughts that we have, or a myriad of other things we hold back.  So you may ask, "Can we ever achieve 100%?".  My answer to this is, it's not about achieving 100%; it's about asking yourself the question, to help you understand what things you are holding back.  Once you have the issues in plain sight, you can work on them.  I would suggest communication with your partner on these topics as well.  This will also help remove some communication barriers in your relationship. 

You may say; "What does something that happened to me many years ago have to do with my current relationship?".  Everything that you have ever experienced makes you, you.  Most people know this to be true. They can tie a reaction they've had to a current situation right back to a previous situation.  I had a person tell me once, "I don't like apples because, someone once hit me in the head with one".  This phenonmenon is no different for relationships.  The effect could be subliminal and you not know it, or it can be the "elephant in the room" that you know all to well.  Only you know that answer...

The purpose of this question is, once again, to help remove the mental barriers created by society.  It's a question that will help people open their minds.  It will give them the ability to breakdown their own communication pitfalls.  This, like the other questions, don't gurantee anything.  I believe, however, it will prepare you for better success in the future.  I hear people complain about their relationships on a daily basis.  More often than not, it's the same complaints they had about previous relationships.  More often than not, it's the other person who is blamed for the failure.  What I'm asking folks to do is, work out your own issues, before attempting to have someone in your life.  I know people are saying, "If I did that I would never have anyone!".  The fact is I'm not talking about making yourself perfect.  That's a ridiculous goal of anyone.  What I recognize in most of my conversations with people, is, they can list 100 things wrong with the other person, even though they know full well, they have 100 of their own.  The big issue is, they feel they don't need to "work" on theirs, only that the other person needs to fix theirs.  This goes back to previous posts..."being self-aware".  My attempt here, is to get people going down the right path (for them) in their head.  Stop using someone else's issue to mask your own.  None of us will ever be perfect /100% at anything.  Embracing the things in your life, which help you improve yourself first, will help you in a relationship with another person.....


Mr. P36