Saturday, June 18, 2011

So we used to be together right?

In our world people are faced with the reality that relationships fail more than we would hope for.  What people don't get is that it takes two people to cause a relationship to end.  This is a very important point to understand.

When talking to many people about their relationships past, present, and potential future, there's a common theme; that theme is generally one of two things, "It's all their fault" or "I've tried my best".  The real fact is it takes two people to make a relationship sustain or fail.  The hardest thing for anyone to do is to openly admit their culpability in a failed venture.  No one wants to be a failure, this is ingrained in all of us - from the most confident, to the least confident person.

The importance of understanding past relationships and your part in it, is to help future relationships flourish.  Relationships end; that is a fact of life, whether you like it or not.  If you are blind to your accountability for the troubles in past relationships, you will continue to fail.  Sometimes the biggest error you may have made in a past relationship is 'overlooking' that ah-ha moment where you questioned, is this person for you.  People underestimate this moment and its importance to all actions following this point.  What happens quite often after this moment is people begin to 'hide' their feelings they now have about this person.  They start to have doubts and in some cases contempt for this person.  The error isn't the feelings, the error is in suppressing these feelings.  The fact is you can't suppress this, it will manifest itself in many actions going forward in the relationship.

We are always told "He/She is a good person", "Don't let this one thing change your mind about them".  The problem is once you have that feeling, it's just a matter of time before the relationship will end.  It may take many years or a few moments, the fact is that it will end; we don't ever get over these feelings.  We attempt to rationalize and/or put out of our minds these feelings.  These are all important points to think about  because they will help you when entering new relationships.

The biggest thing to understand is we must not look for flaws in the people we engage in relationships with.  However, we must recognize when we have that negative ah-ha moment and make the proper decision going forward.

So that we are clear, we aren't talking about the everyday things our partners do that we may or may not like.  We are talking about that 'SPECIAL' situation when something rocks your core negatively, that they did or said....Look back on your past relationships and you all will know what I'm talking about.....

Until the next one....


Do you understand me?

During our busy days we come across those who would seem to not understand us.  Is this because these people can care less about our feelings, thoughts, or ideas? Is it because we are expressing our being in a way that isn't easily interpreted?  It may be these or many other reasons, which aren't easily discerned.

The real fact of the matter is; most people you come in contact with, can care less.  This, in most cast cases, doesn't carry a negative connotation, it simply means they have enough issues within their own being, and have no time to worry about your stuff.  This is unfortunately the reality with which we live.  Understanding this helps reduce or eliminate the time you spend angry when someone shows disdain toward you. If you really think about it, why should your point be more important to them than their point?

When you are communicating to another person, are you still open to all views?  This doesn't mean you need to agree with the views; being open to all views of the subject of conversation allows you to be objective.  The point here is, if you are objective you will handle opposition with less angst.  When engaged in debate, to be sympathetic to another person's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, doesn't give your power away.  This is something we all struggle with, 'Do you understand me?'.  We ask each other that everyday.  We are so busy attempting to get our point across, we blow right by the other person's point.

We make communicating very complicated and hard.  This is because we can't hear with our mouths opened; we are waiting for the other person to be quiet so that we can say what we want to say.  In a lot of cases we don't even wait, we interrupt without malice or forethought. This makes it difficult for your point to be interpreted properly.  People are continually engaged in conversation where neither are "actively" listening to the other.  The 'My point of view' gets in the way of the sharing process.  You then immediately go to the 'Do you understand me?' phase of your thought process.

To get your question 'Do you understand me?' answered, you need to understand the person you are directing your question toward.  The interesting point here is; once you understand this person, you will realize you don't need to ask the question to begin with.  If you seek understanding of the person you are in conflict with, it will give you the tools necessary to effectively present your case to them.

You can communicate the same point many ways to many audiences..... Don't get stuck communicating only one way... eventually no one will understand you

Until the next time....