Saturday, August 14, 2010

Relationships Day 5

Today is a check in day: What have you learned from previous relationships?

I find that when I ask this question to someone, their answer is based on the time lapse between the question and the relationship.  Naturally people have better reflections, the further they are from the situation.  This is especially poignant because it's a proven fact, as we move away from an event, our access to that memory becomes less and less.  What this means is, our mind fills in the gaps. So, let's put that in perspective; can you remember a situation where you were passionate about an event dealing with a relationship issue and as time went on you became less passionate? The purpose of this conversation path, is to make the point that we rely heavily on time to help us make relationship decisions. I believe this why we are stuck in this negative repeating cycle of failed relationships.

When you talk to someone who is in a new relationship, many more times than not, their partner walks on water.  This is a classic reaction, and I'm actually not saying this is a bad thing.  You should be excited about your new partner.  The issue comes in when you haven't gone through the questions posed in previous posts.  When it comes to human emotions, they are tricky, little devils that need some form of chaperon.  This is all, "fine line" type of stuff.  What I mean by this is, you have too be willing to let your heart be broken, without losing sight of all the things that tell you whether this person is right for you and you are right for them.  These points are very important.  Most people think it's enough that "They are into this person", however, the person must "Be into you to" as well.

Now this again is where the waters muddy, the initial attraction is sexual.  When I talk about sexual, it doesn't necessarily mean jump in bed sexual.  It speaks more to the animal urges which are embedded in our genes.  Although we like to think we've evolved over thousands of years, there are thousands of studies that prove my point. This also is why things become cloudy.  Two people who are attracted to one another more often than not, aren't exactly on the same plane with this sexual attraction.  In an earlier post,  I spoke about the fact that very rarely are two people on the same level in a relationship.  This is even more prevalent in the beginning.  What you end up having is, one person being heavily drawn for pure sexual fulfillment.  We then have the other person who is attracted as well, but, more for what the other person stands for.  Both of these are the same because both people are aroused by the other.  The fact that they are aroused by different reasons is irrelevant, the arousal is the constant.

So where am I going with this you might ask?  Good question...The point to all this is, are you really learning from previous relationships?  Judging by the success of the average relationship, I would say no.  The reason why we have trouble using previous relationships to help us going forward, is our glazed-eyed beginnings of new relationships. The reason we are glazed eyed is our internal workings.  What I offer you through all these posts on this subject is, to look within to bring balance and understanding to your own life.  This will help you to break from the norm.  This will also help you to focus on your internal urges, needs, and goals.  I believe people can either evolve mentally through osmosis of society, or direct personal evolution.  I personally would rather have 100% control of how I move forward in my mental evolution.  Living by others ideals will serve in adding to your misery.  If you're not doing things that truly make you happy, I again ask, what is the point?

In these five points I briefly touched on preparing yourself for better (not perfect) success in dating.  Some of my ideals may be foreign to most, but, I would challenge our track records.  Poor relationships are a staple of our daily lives, so again I say , "What we are doing isn't working anymore".  More open and honest dialog is needed on this topic. I don't profess to have the answers, though,  I think we need to ask better questions.


Mr. P36