Monday, August 16, 2010

Being You

Today we will discuss what it means to be you...

In all of our lives there comes a time when in your head you say, "Enough is Enough". You start to realize you can't live by other's standards anymore. This event is different for each of us. The fortunate few experience this event at a young age. The rest of us go through many ups and downs in our lives before we experience this event. Whether you're old, young, or somewhere in between you will experience this event at some point in your life. The complicated part of this is knowing it and acting on it.

As we go on this journey to find ourselves, we have to ask, "Is this for me or am I doing it for someone else?". Quite often, people say they're trying to find themselves, but, tend to be just going through the motions. It's not enough to say you want something as complex as this, you must also formulate a plan. Take small steps, this will help you have long lasting results. Remember, you have been the way you are for many years, it doesn't change overnight. Many people wake up and say. "Today is the day I do what is right for me!". That is a part of it, but, without a true plan of attack, those words become the background static noise of your life. I often hear people say "Carpe Diem", yet as I hear the words come out of their mouths, the words seem so hollow. We as a society are well equipped to use and invent catchy phrases. The only thing these motto's and mantra’s serve to do is, cover up the true issues inside.

To find out what it means to be you, is to learn to accept your thoughts and feelings about everything that takes place in your life. What I mean by this is simple, your first instinct is that, 'Internal You'. Now this can be very frightening, as your first reaction to a given situation may not be the most positive, that's okay. What this instinct is telling you is, on a very deep level this is how you feel or think. This doesn't mean that you should suppress the negative and only let the positive come to the surface. What it means is, you need to acknowledge both. This needs to be done in a manner that is comfortable for 'You".

How people view your life should be irrelevant to you. You're the only one actually living your life. Before anyone can help another human being, they must first be on a path of self understanding. I hear people giving others advice all the time; I always have questioned the motives of those 'advice givers'. I have found through countless conversations that most people project their failures or desires onto the person they're giving advice to. This to me is a classic imbedded issue of society we face. People are always willing to tell you what they think about what you should do. Sometimes this advice can be coming from someone who doesn't want you to be successful. The interesting part about that statement is, they a lot of time, don't even know that. I use the example of two women in relationships they don't want to be in anymore. First woman finally decides she's going to leave her husband. She proceeds to tell her best friend (Woman #2), who encourages her to stay and work it out. After a couple months of conversation with her best friend she decides to stay and 'work it out'. Six months later, woman #2 leaves her husband. When the first woman asked woman #2 what was going on. She simply replied "I've had enough of doing what everyone else expects from me, I'm going to live my life for me". Now the first woman was understandably upset, when hearing this news; she had been talked out of doing something she wanted, by a friend who wanted the same thing. Woman #2 admitted sometime later that she had the feeling of leaving years before, but, did what she was taught to do, live for others.

There is no right or wrong way to take control of your life. That's the beauty of being unique, there's only one of you. Some people will use other people for inspiration; some will internally develop that drive for more. Whatever road you take to finally 'Being You', is your road and your road alone. We have to stop needing external stimuli to make us do what we know we need to do. The problem with that method is you have fewer follow-throughs on your personal promises to yourself. You tend to associate your success with someone else's approval of your decision to go down that particular path. It is good to bounce things off of other people, however, there's a fine line between getting advice and making a decision based on that and doing what you really want to do. People are easily persuaded when getting parallel feedback. We are less accepting of opposite feedback. The point with this is, it shouldn't matter one way or another what anyone else says. You should always have faith in yourself; that you are doing what you want to do, not what you have been conditioned to do.

Being You starts with understanding what drives you, what makes you happy, and what your failings are in your own eyes. No one should ever be more critical of you than you. The issue is; your criticism of yourself needs to be rooted in your view of you, not your view of you based off what someone else is telling you....


Mr. P36