Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Tuesday 7-12-2011
In life, every 1 of us is dealing with different kinds of problems. Life is about solving your own problems; not about blaming other people for them or comparing your struggles to those of people you may know... also, don't waste energy worrying about what people think about the issues you have. Worrying about how people view you, clouds your judgment....Happy Tuesday :)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday 6-29-2011
Today is all about, holding your head high. We face opposition from people everyday. How do you use this opposition to create a positive outcome? It's easy to complain about the 'opposing people' in your life. It's empowering to take that negative opposition and turn it into positive success. When faced with seemingly insurmountable barriers, we need to find ways to succeed. Let their opposition; be your motivation, to challenge yourself to be the best you can be..... and remember even opposing forces teach us things about ourselves and the world we live in... don't dismiss the opposition wholly, because of the party from which it comes.... Always be you, yet respect the views of other people....
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday 6-28-2011
Inspiration comes from many different sources. People watch people, so live your life the way you want. The things you do in life may inspire greatness in other people. The things you say may also inspire greatness in other people. Simply being 'WHO' you are may inspire people. It's a gratifying feeling when someone is inspired by something you have done or said. Sometimes we can't put a finger on exactly what inspires us about the people we come in contact with. The important fact is, 'WE', were inspired. The question may not be; who inspires you, the question may be who are you inspiring..... by simply being 'YOU'???..... So when you feel like you need inspiration.... keep in mind there are people in your life that are inspired by you .....
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday 6-26-2011
People often ask me "How?". How do I do 'this' with my life? How do I make 'this' choice in my life. How 'do' I???? This is a question that no one can answer, except you. People ask this question because they don't have the 'power' within themselves to control an aspect of their life.
Depending on other people as a first step to solving issues in your life, is a recipe for failure. If you have something happening in your life you don't like, the first step is to think about how you want to change it. Then, you start to plan your way out of the situation. During the planning phase it can be advantageous to seek support for this plan. Be sure you have some sort of idea or plan before reaching out to others. The importance of all this is simple; if you have some semblance of a plan or idea, any ideas you receive from someone else will accentuate your plan. If you have no plan before you express your issues to another person, you may adopt their ideas as your own - this reduces your chances for success. To have long term success you need to own your plan for change.
One major obstacle to answering the question 'How?', is being comfortable with the current situation. Let's use a couple being together for a length of time as an example. You have to ask yourself; "am I with them because I love them? or is it because I'm used to being with them?". This can be a very tough question to answer. A simple way to answer is, ask yourself "can I see myself without them?". This example can be used for any aspect of your life. Ask yourself "Do you really need 'IT' or are you just used to 'IT'?. You need to get that answered before moving forward. If not, you won't be able to answer "How do I?".
When something is bothering you in your life, always own the responsibility of resolution. Even if you ask for help, make sure it's objective advice you're getting. Also, don't get bogged down with trying to predict all the possible results of your actions. This can sometimes get you stuck in the quicksand of non movement on the issue. Remember, there's 'something' you want changed in your life; if you don't change it, you will stress about the 'something' continuously.
If you struggle with change, you must embrace planning as a way to get around your struggle with change... You will then be able to answer or start the answering process on your own...
until the next one...
MrP36
until the next one...
MrP36
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday 6-25-2011
Happy Saturday peeps! If u r living ur life as someone expects u to and that someone is not u... u aren't living. Always do what u want, when u want, and/or how u want. People will always question/judge ur actions....remember it's ur life....when the time comes u WILL die alone...and so will the detractors in ur life... Every move u make in life should be exactly what u want...regardless of the result... Fail or Succeed on ur own terms... Stop giving ur power of 'choice' away to other people.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Friday 6-24-2011
As you go about your travels this Fabulous Friday, make sure you smile at all you encounter. Say hi to these people you come in contact with. Say hi by name if you know their name. Remember the sweetest sound to anyone is their own name. Be genuine in this endeavor today. You just may make someone's day! That someone may only be you, but, so what. Happy Friday all!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thursday 6-23-2011
In life we all face challenges on a daily basis. You should always challenge yourself more than anyone or anything can challenge you. This helps reduce stress in your life. Stress is derived from worrying about things you can't control and not controlling the things you can. Take a moment today, to write down some things that are stressing you out. Then put them in 2 categories, 'What I can' or 'What I can't'. The items in, 'What I can't', cross them out. These items are irrelevant in your life, because, you CAN'T control them. The items in, 'What I can', now need plans associated with them. These can be a written plans, for long term issues that require long term planning. These can also be mental notes; to start handling easy issues you know, you need to. It's always easier to think about other people's issues, than to deal with your own. Control the things you can, forget the rest. When you challenge yourself more than other people challenge you, life is a breeze.....
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Wednesday 6-22-2011
What are the issues in your life, that you need to get up and over on this fine hump day? Do you have a plan to conquer the things that hold you back from your goals? Today is as good a day as any to start planning your successes. Stop saying you want better, make it so! Don't be afraid to fail, instead look forward to success. Life is as hard as you make it. Complaining, without a plan to change the circumstance is wasted energy. Take control of your situation and steer it in the direction you desire.... no one will do this for you... Remember it's "YOUR" life... who has the biggest stake in your success??? YOU! Happy Wednesday...Now Go Get'm!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tuesday 6-21-2011
Happy Tasty Tuesday people! Are you eating up life? or still looking at the menu, asking for help to make a decision? Don't give your power of choice to other people. You must take hold of your life and do what makes you happy. People will disagree with you, try to hurt you and just not like you. This is life, don't let them sway you from your desires. Time isn't on ur side. Every moment you waste not living to your fullest, is a moment you will never get back. Be decisive in your choices, go with your 1st thought.....Pass or Fail... The point is, you did it your way! This is your life...Go out there and eat it up!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Monday 6-20-2011
Happy Monday everyone! Hopefully everyone had a good weekend. Today is the start of a new work week for most of us, make sure you seize this awesome opportunity. Let go of the weekend and embrace this new day and week. Every second you waste wishing the 'past' weekend was longer, is another second lost to living today. Cherish the past, embrace the present, and plan for the future! When you are out and about today thank a stranger for entering your life today.... it just may make their day! Giddy Up!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Who am I?
Self awareness is an interesting concept. Many people much smarter than myself have varying views on this topic, the following is just an average guys opinion.
I will start with a story about a child being picked on for being slightly overweight. I was having a conversation with a woman and she was telling me a story about her daughter being picked on. She said "This girl was calling her daughter FAT during lunch period". She was visibly upset with this little girl. She called the little girl picking on her daughter, 'rude'. I asked her, "was her daughter overweight?". She replied "yes, but, you don't say that to someone!".
We all have said or heard the phrase, "The truth hurts". Do you know why the 'truth' hurts? It hurts because most people are in denial about many facets of their life; they don't understand what self awareness is all about. When you are self aware, there's very little a person can say to you or about you, that will ever bother you. Why is this, you may ask? Being self aware, before the person says 'it' to you, you accept 'it' as being who you are. In other words if you are fat, you know you are fat, you are comfortable with it or are doing something about it. If someone calls you fat, it doesn't bother you nor should it.
People tend to 'know' they are 'X', but the issue is they haven't fully accepted it. They are desperately looking for others to say, "No you're not fat, you're BIG boned", or some other compliment that isn't warranted. We like to be lied to, because it allows us to circumvent our accountability to face and deal with the truth. A truth, the majority of the time, we already know but don't want to accept. This cycle of, 'head in the sand' syndrome, is taught to us at a very young age. This notion that being direct and honest is rude, is directly responsible for so many people being incapable of accepting the realities of life.
Something someone says to you about you, should never be something you don't already know and embrace. Thus, removing the angst people have when someone says something to them which society deems 'rude'. We must dare to explore who we really are. We must stop hiding from ourselves and embrace the good and bad of our being.
Spend less time judging other people. Spend more time judging and attempting to understand yourself. Know, embrace, and be comfortable with who you are better than anyone else can......
Being self aware makes life tremendously less stressful when dealing with others' opinions of you....Self awareness is an integral component in high self esteem..."sticks and stones..."
Until the next one....
MrP36
We all have said or heard the phrase, "The truth hurts". Do you know why the 'truth' hurts? It hurts because most people are in denial about many facets of their life; they don't understand what self awareness is all about. When you are self aware, there's very little a person can say to you or about you, that will ever bother you. Why is this, you may ask? Being self aware, before the person says 'it' to you, you accept 'it' as being who you are. In other words if you are fat, you know you are fat, you are comfortable with it or are doing something about it. If someone calls you fat, it doesn't bother you nor should it.
Something someone says to you about you, should never be something you don't already know and embrace. Thus, removing the angst people have when someone says something to them which society deems 'rude'. We must dare to explore who we really are. We must stop hiding from ourselves and embrace the good and bad of our being.
Spend less time judging other people. Spend more time judging and attempting to understand yourself. Know, embrace, and be comfortable with who you are better than anyone else can......
Being self aware makes life tremendously less stressful when dealing with others' opinions of you....Self awareness is an integral component in high self esteem..."sticks and stones..."
Until the next one....
MrP36
Saturday, June 18, 2011
So we used to be together right?
In our world people are faced with the reality that relationships fail more than we would hope for. What people don't get is that it takes two people to cause a relationship to end. This is a very important point to understand.
When talking to many people about their relationships past, present, and potential future, there's a common theme; that theme is generally one of two things, "It's all their fault" or "I've tried my best". The real fact is it takes two people to make a relationship sustain or fail. The hardest thing for anyone to do is to openly admit their culpability in a failed venture. No one wants to be a failure, this is ingrained in all of us - from the most confident, to the least confident person.
The importance of understanding past relationships and your part in it, is to help future relationships flourish. Relationships end; that is a fact of life, whether you like it or not. If you are blind to your accountability for the troubles in past relationships, you will continue to fail. Sometimes the biggest error you may have made in a past relationship is 'overlooking' that ah-ha moment where you questioned, is this person for you. People underestimate this moment and its importance to all actions following this point. What happens quite often after this moment is people begin to 'hide' their feelings they now have about this person. They start to have doubts and in some cases contempt for this person. The error isn't the feelings, the error is in suppressing these feelings. The fact is you can't suppress this, it will manifest itself in many actions going forward in the relationship.
We are always told "He/She is a good person", "Don't let this one thing change your mind about them". The problem is once you have that feeling, it's just a matter of time before the relationship will end. It may take many years or a few moments, the fact is that it will end; we don't ever get over these feelings. We attempt to rationalize and/or put out of our minds these feelings. These are all important points to think about because they will help you when entering new relationships.
The biggest thing to understand is we must not look for flaws in the people we engage in relationships with. However, we must recognize when we have that negative ah-ha moment and make the proper decision going forward.
So that we are clear, we aren't talking about the everyday things our partners do that we may or may not like. We are talking about that 'SPECIAL' situation when something rocks your core negatively, that they did or said....Look back on your past relationships and you all will know what I'm talking about.....
Until the next one....
MrP36
When talking to many people about their relationships past, present, and potential future, there's a common theme; that theme is generally one of two things, "It's all their fault" or "I've tried my best". The real fact is it takes two people to make a relationship sustain or fail. The hardest thing for anyone to do is to openly admit their culpability in a failed venture. No one wants to be a failure, this is ingrained in all of us - from the most confident, to the least confident person.
We are always told "He/She is a good person", "Don't let this one thing change your mind about them". The problem is once you have that feeling, it's just a matter of time before the relationship will end. It may take many years or a few moments, the fact is that it will end; we don't ever get over these feelings. We attempt to rationalize and/or put out of our minds these feelings. These are all important points to think about because they will help you when entering new relationships.The biggest thing to understand is we must not look for flaws in the people we engage in relationships with. However, we must recognize when we have that negative ah-ha moment and make the proper decision going forward.
So that we are clear, we aren't talking about the everyday things our partners do that we may or may not like. We are talking about that 'SPECIAL' situation when something rocks your core negatively, that they did or said....Look back on your past relationships and you all will know what I'm talking about.....
Until the next one....
MrP36
Do you understand me?
During our busy days we come across those who would seem to not understand us. Is this because these people can care less about our feelings, thoughts, or ideas? Is it because we are expressing our being in a way that isn't easily interpreted? It may be these or many other reasons, which aren't easily discerned.
The real fact of the matter is; most people you come in contact with, can care less. This, in most cast cases, doesn't carry a negative connotation, it simply means they have enough issues within their own being, and have no time to worry about your stuff. This is unfortunately the reality with which we live. Understanding this helps reduce or eliminate the time you spend angry when someone shows disdain toward you. If you really think about it, why should your point be more important to them than their point?
When you are communicating to another person, are you still open to all views? This doesn't mean you need to agree with the views; being open to all views of the subject of conversation allows you to be objective. The point here is, if you are objective you will handle opposition with less angst. When engaged in debate, to be sympathetic to another person's feelings, thoughts, or ideas, doesn't give your power away. This is something we all struggle with, 'Do you understand me?'. We ask each other that everyday. We are so busy attempting to get our point across, we blow right by the other person's point.
We make communicating very complicated and hard. This is because we can't hear with our mouths opened; we are waiting for the other person to be quiet so that we can say what we want to say. In a lot of cases we don't even wait, we interrupt without malice or forethought. This makes it difficult for your point to be interpreted properly. People are continually engaged in conversation where neither are "actively" listening to the other. The 'My point of view' gets in the way of the sharing process. You then immediately go to the 'Do you understand me?' phase of your thought process.
To get your question 'Do you understand me?' answered, you need to understand the person you are directing your question toward. The interesting point here is; once you understand this person, you will realize you don't need to ask the question to begin with. If you seek understanding of the person you are in conflict with, it will give you the tools necessary to effectively present your case to them.
You can communicate the same point many ways to many audiences..... Don't get stuck communicating only one way... eventually no one will understand you
The real fact of the matter is; most people you come in contact with, can care less. This, in most cast cases, doesn't carry a negative connotation, it simply means they have enough issues within their own being, and have no time to worry about your stuff. This is unfortunately the reality with which we live. Understanding this helps reduce or eliminate the time you spend angry when someone shows disdain toward you. If you really think about it, why should your point be more important to them than their point?
To get your question 'Do you understand me?' answered, you need to understand the person you are directing your question toward. The interesting point here is; once you understand this person, you will realize you don't need to ask the question to begin with. If you seek understanding of the person you are in conflict with, it will give you the tools necessary to effectively present your case to them.
You can communicate the same point many ways to many audiences..... Don't get stuck communicating only one way... eventually no one will understand you
Until the next time....
Mrp36
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Hello Mr. or Madam President
Today's discussion will revolve around politics and what most people don't get.
I hear all to often, "The President is this or the President is that","The President did this or the President did that". I find all this conversation amusing as it shows our ignorance as a society. People really don't get it, even though they have been taught it. Now I won't go into whether the current President is doing a good job or not, as I believe none of us know what that means either.
The President of the United States is merely a figure head or spokesperson for this country. If you have trouble agreeing with me, break out the American Government books and read up on how the branches of government in the US work. Now this is an important role in our government, so don't misunderstand me as I am over-simplifying to get a point across, as you will see later. If you can come up with a better description based on the facts of the books on how our government works and the practical workings of our government as we have seen it, I would like to hear it. Quite frankly, I'm a little tired of listening to people who have no idea what is going on, actually speak on this subject.
The President has some special powers in special times, this is understood. Where people get off the reservation is when they think the President will change the country for the better. They also speak about the President making it worse. Both of those points are myths that the people who really run this country want you to think. It's all smoke and mirrors and we are easily led down the wrong path in this country. When it comes to everyday living in this country, the people that run this country are located in your local town governments, your county governments, your state governments, and The House of Reps and Senate. If you believe anything else you are greatly misinformed. All of these people want you to believe that the 'President' is your Saviour or the goat. Again if you don't agree, I strongly suggest you grab a book on American Government.
We are just cattle being herded to the slaughter. I hear people talking bad and good about our current President everyday, just like every President before him since I could watch TV, or understand the spoken word. Ironically enough, who I don't hear complaining or giving adulation are people that get it. People who go to town meetings, vote on local and national issues. These people get it; that the person in the Presidential Oval Office is just a member of the entire process and can't change anything on her/his own. I will give you a short example of how our government works and then ask who's in charge. Congress formulates a bill, the bill is passed in the Senate and the House. This bill now goes to the President for signing into law. The President doesn't agree and Veto's the bill. The bill can now go back to Congress and Congress can override the President. Now this is rarely done, but, the point is it can be. The flip side is that the President can't get anything into law without Congress. So I ask again, whom do we think is in charge? This goes back too my earlier point about who really runs the everyday things which truly affect us. It's your local government, state government, and Congress. So if you want the 'President' too be successful, these people need to answer to you along with the President, not the other way around.
The President of the United States of America is a powerful person, but believe it or not, there's a more powerful group of people. These people are skating by as we as Americans fight or support our sitting Presidents. We are quick to judge and hold a person accountable who has a stake in our lives, but, not the biggest stake. We give this group of people a pass on a daily basis, then we wonder what is wrong with this country. We are ignorant to how our own government works. The sad part about this is, that's what these people want. They want us to turn a blind eye, cause they know in our minds it's much easier to go after one person than to attack the thousands of them who are truly ruining our country.
Before you open your mouth about any President, think about what I said....Attack the right people...not those who you have been conditioned to attack all your life....
Remember the President can't get something into law without Congress....stop giving these people a pass...Hold your local government, state government, and Congress accountable.
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
I hear all to often, "The President is this or the President is that","The President did this or the President did that". I find all this conversation amusing as it shows our ignorance as a society. People really don't get it, even though they have been taught it. Now I won't go into whether the current President is doing a good job or not, as I believe none of us know what that means either.
The President of the United States is merely a figure head or spokesperson for this country. If you have trouble agreeing with me, break out the American Government books and read up on how the branches of government in the US work. Now this is an important role in our government, so don't misunderstand me as I am over-simplifying to get a point across, as you will see later. If you can come up with a better description based on the facts of the books on how our government works and the practical workings of our government as we have seen it, I would like to hear it. Quite frankly, I'm a little tired of listening to people who have no idea what is going on, actually speak on this subject.
The President has some special powers in special times, this is understood. Where people get off the reservation is when they think the President will change the country for the better. They also speak about the President making it worse. Both of those points are myths that the people who really run this country want you to think. It's all smoke and mirrors and we are easily led down the wrong path in this country. When it comes to everyday living in this country, the people that run this country are located in your local town governments, your county governments, your state governments, and The House of Reps and Senate. If you believe anything else you are greatly misinformed. All of these people want you to believe that the 'President' is your Saviour or the goat. Again if you don't agree, I strongly suggest you grab a book on American Government.
We are just cattle being herded to the slaughter. I hear people talking bad and good about our current President everyday, just like every President before him since I could watch TV, or understand the spoken word. Ironically enough, who I don't hear complaining or giving adulation are people that get it. People who go to town meetings, vote on local and national issues. These people get it; that the person in the Presidential Oval Office is just a member of the entire process and can't change anything on her/his own. I will give you a short example of how our government works and then ask who's in charge. Congress formulates a bill, the bill is passed in the Senate and the House. This bill now goes to the President for signing into law. The President doesn't agree and Veto's the bill. The bill can now go back to Congress and Congress can override the President. Now this is rarely done, but, the point is it can be. The flip side is that the President can't get anything into law without Congress. So I ask again, whom do we think is in charge? This goes back too my earlier point about who really runs the everyday things which truly affect us. It's your local government, state government, and Congress. So if you want the 'President' too be successful, these people need to answer to you along with the President, not the other way around.
The President of the United States of America is a powerful person, but believe it or not, there's a more powerful group of people. These people are skating by as we as Americans fight or support our sitting Presidents. We are quick to judge and hold a person accountable who has a stake in our lives, but, not the biggest stake. We give this group of people a pass on a daily basis, then we wonder what is wrong with this country. We are ignorant to how our own government works. The sad part about this is, that's what these people want. They want us to turn a blind eye, cause they know in our minds it's much easier to go after one person than to attack the thousands of them who are truly ruining our country.
Before you open your mouth about any President, think about what I said....Attack the right people...not those who you have been conditioned to attack all your life....
Remember the President can't get something into law without Congress....stop giving these people a pass...Hold your local government, state government, and Congress accountable.
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Racial Division
Why can't we all get along?
I find this question most interesting in the society we live in. We live in a country with just about every race from around the world. Yet we still have many issues with race relations. We continue to say "Why?" to ourselves on a daily basis. The 'Why' for me is quite simple. The loathing of races different from us, is deep inside and many 100's of years, if not thousands of years in the making.
I will speak today on black - white division. This is always the number one hot button topic in the US, when it comes to race relations. The surprise people have with the fact we are still fighting this battle of equality, is baffling too me. Why would you expect after only 40+ years of civil rights actions, that things would be OK? Do we think a few items of legislation wipe away 100's of years of slavery and degrading acts by the white members of this country against the black members? To me that's where the problem starts. There are two sides to this equation that I'm not sure everyone understands. I get it that most White Americans realize that the acts their ancestors performed were appalling. The problem comes in when White Americans say that they "get it", but, "When do they stop paying for their ancestors mistakes?". I would say to them "Why even ask that question?", live your life the way you believe it to be lived. You can't atone for the misguidance of others, trying to will result in failure. White Americans can help relations with Black Americans by treating Black Americans as equals, plain and simple.
The conversation about the N-word is a great example to me of how White Americans miss the mark. Why would a White American, knowing the history of this country, even entertain the thought of using this word? In my opinion, it's because White Americans feel like they have done enough to repair relations between Black Americans and White Americans. They feel like everyone is over it so it's OK to use. This word and many like it, shouldn't be used period. Why any group of people would ask "Why can't we use it?", is a clear sign we have a long way to go in race relations.
The other side of this problem is centered around the Black American community. People within this group, for which I am one, and people outside of this group of people, have somewhat of a confused perception. We wonder why this community has some of the major issues it does. To me it is quite simple, as I eluded to earlier; We as a community have been degraded, beaten, killed, and persecuted for 100's of years in this country. There's an embedded self esteem problem in our community, which will take us many more generations to overcome. The fact that Black Americans and White Americans don't understand that as a whole, is a large driver in our lack of understanding of this issue.
We talked earlier about White Americans asking why can't they use the N-word, that Black Americans use. Let us discuss the Black American side of this equation. I personally don't like the use of the word at all, but, I know why it is used. It goes back to my statement about 'an embedded self esteem problem'. Black Americans use this word to degrade other Black Americans, as well as a term of endearment, "There goes my N^^^^^". I think what is lost in all this is, Black Americans were called this term everyday of their lives, for 100's of years. When some started to rise from the lower ranks, they used this term to degrade other Black Americans they felt were beneath them. Fast forward to present time, the word is being used same as before, as well as a term of endearment. You may view this many different ways, but, there is a glimmer of progress. We as a community are challenging ourselves to not use words like this, and to support each other in our endeavors. It will take the Black American community to realize this word and any word degrading our race or another race is unacceptable. This holds true for White Americans and any other race on this planet. We can't be told from another race this is bad. We are a community that has come out of being 2nd rate in this country, thus we respond poorly to other races telling us right from wrong. This is the normal order of things, we all have been in a situation where we chose a different direction just because someone told us to go another way. Black Americans can help relations with White Americans by simply understanding they are equals.
We must ask ourselves, "Do we truly understand what the other side is going through?". I will challenge that we don't, otherwise we wouldn't have one race asking another race, "Why can't I use that degrading word you use, that I used to use to put you down?"
We are all human beings, we live, we die.....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
I find this question most interesting in the society we live in. We live in a country with just about every race from around the world. Yet we still have many issues with race relations. We continue to say "Why?" to ourselves on a daily basis. The 'Why' for me is quite simple. The loathing of races different from us, is deep inside and many 100's of years, if not thousands of years in the making.
I will speak today on black - white division. This is always the number one hot button topic in the US, when it comes to race relations. The surprise people have with the fact we are still fighting this battle of equality, is baffling too me. Why would you expect after only 40+ years of civil rights actions, that things would be OK? Do we think a few items of legislation wipe away 100's of years of slavery and degrading acts by the white members of this country against the black members? To me that's where the problem starts. There are two sides to this equation that I'm not sure everyone understands. I get it that most White Americans realize that the acts their ancestors performed were appalling. The problem comes in when White Americans say that they "get it", but, "When do they stop paying for their ancestors mistakes?". I would say to them "Why even ask that question?", live your life the way you believe it to be lived. You can't atone for the misguidance of others, trying to will result in failure. White Americans can help relations with Black Americans by treating Black Americans as equals, plain and simple.
The conversation about the N-word is a great example to me of how White Americans miss the mark. Why would a White American, knowing the history of this country, even entertain the thought of using this word? In my opinion, it's because White Americans feel like they have done enough to repair relations between Black Americans and White Americans. They feel like everyone is over it so it's OK to use. This word and many like it, shouldn't be used period. Why any group of people would ask "Why can't we use it?", is a clear sign we have a long way to go in race relations.
The other side of this problem is centered around the Black American community. People within this group, for which I am one, and people outside of this group of people, have somewhat of a confused perception. We wonder why this community has some of the major issues it does. To me it is quite simple, as I eluded to earlier; We as a community have been degraded, beaten, killed, and persecuted for 100's of years in this country. There's an embedded self esteem problem in our community, which will take us many more generations to overcome. The fact that Black Americans and White Americans don't understand that as a whole, is a large driver in our lack of understanding of this issue.
We must ask ourselves, "Do we truly understand what the other side is going through?". I will challenge that we don't, otherwise we wouldn't have one race asking another race, "Why can't I use that degrading word you use, that I used to use to put you down?"
We are all human beings, we live, we die.....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Cheating
OK let's get this firestorm going....
I have had hundreds of conversations, if not thousands about cheating. Most of the conversations were centered around how the person who cheated was such a scumbag. In this post we won’t be talking about that particular piece of this subject. We will talk about relationship breakdowns which may lead to this act. I will use stage names for the people in this story. Although my friend has agreed to let me use his story, he asked that names and places be changed.
In the above example there are many issues that we can link back to previous posts. The first thing out of any one's mouth who hears about or are a part of these things is "That blah blah is an a$$". I won’t argue that point here, what I will do is tackle the real issues. She obviously had some issues with him early on in their relationship. She chose not to talk about them, this is prime example of why without asking questions and being open, honest, and direct with your partner, you will have poor results. This couple settled into a nice comfort zone of don't ask, don't tell. Many relationships start this way, we hide our true selves and once it's time to be who you are, there's a lot of time and other things invested. Then we feel trapped, so we open ourselves up for risk like this. Risk to do something we know we shouldn't do, instead of what we should do, which is leave this person. Once you have in your head, 'I can be without this person', you need to get to the business of getting out. Remove the risk of doing something you can never take back.
We have to challenge ourselves to stop playing these head in the sand games we play in relationships. This person put herself in a poor position (no pun), needlessly. The moment she felt she was losing connection a conversation should be had between the two. The flip side is equally important; he admitted to me that he noticed a long time ago she was slightly different. He chalked it up as the normal things in relationships. People settle in and they stop communicating. He is just as culpable with this failure. Did he make her sleep with another man? No, of course not. My point with this is better communication by asking open, honest, and direct questions can resolve the issue before it gets going. It also could end a relationship that should end, before more weeks, months or years are added to chaos.
I find people are very happy to be with someone so they put the blinders on and go forward, without being in tune with the other person. People put up a show, instead of being real. I talked in a past post about people rarely being at the same level in a relationship. In many cases a relationship is doomed with a cheating result, from the door. This is due to the fact that although both parties seem very interested, they aren't interested in the same thing. One is looking for serious long-term, the other is looking for something casual or even less. We, however, are taught to not ask or tell how we feel about the relationship we are embarking on. This again is a major 'NO NO'. What typically happens is hearts get involved, and then the mind and heart get into a major battle. Which in turn shuts the mind down; in a sense you think your overreacting, or it's too soon to say this, that or the other thing. We must practice full disclosure when involved with something. Quite often, people hold back how they feel about a question they are asked, because, they don't want to lose this person. People, look at our dating results? They are poor, this mentality isn't helping, it's hurting.
The point I'm trying to convey when it comes too cheating is this like other failures in relationships, can be avoided. This can be done by both parties asking open, honest, and direct questions about their expectations in the relationship. We also need to give open, honest and direct answers. This is as important as the question. We can't be afraid that this guy or girl will leave us if we aren't upfront. This mentality signifies a self esteem issue that you have. This again goes back to previous posts about making sure you know where you are going in life. You have to understand 'YOU' before, sharing "YOU" with someone else.
If you're involved or been involved in a cheating situation, it's imperative you look at yourself regardless of what side of this you are or were on. If we want to be successful going forward we have to correct our own issues, one by one. When I hear someone tell me, like above, that this has happened more than once, I struggle with those that say it's all the other person's fault. There's not a relationship breakdown which only one person is responsible for........
People cheat because they are missing something from their partner. This doesn't excuse the act, but, it is a fact that is lost in most conversations I have with people. It's lost due to the seriousness of the act. My object here is to help people not repeat these situations by being "more self aware and asking for full disclosure from their partner". You can't be half way on that last statement I made. Self awareness is a never ending pursuit.
There's nothing good about cheating, however there's more to learn than just the act itself......
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Monday, August 16, 2010
Being You
Today we will discuss what it means to be you...
In all of our lives there comes a time when in your head you say, "Enough is Enough". You start to realize you can't live by other's standards anymore. This event is different for each of us. The fortunate few experience this event at a young age. The rest of us go through many ups and downs in our lives before we experience this event. Whether you're old, young, or somewhere in between you will experience this event at some point in your life. The complicated part of this is knowing it and acting on it.
As we go on this journey to find ourselves, we have to ask, "Is this for me or am I doing it for someone else?". Quite often, people say they're trying to find themselves, but, tend to be just going through the motions. It's not enough to say you want something as complex as this, you must also formulate a plan. Take small steps, this will help you have long lasting results. Remember, you have been the way you are for many years, it doesn't change overnight. Many people wake up and say. "Today is the day I do what is right for me!". That is a part of it, but, without a true plan of attack, those words become the background static noise of your life. I often hear people say "Carpe Diem", yet as I hear the words come out of their mouths, the words seem so hollow. We as a society are well equipped to use and invent catchy phrases. The only thing these motto's and mantra’s serve to do is, cover up the true issues inside.
To find out what it means to be you, is to learn to accept your thoughts and feelings about everything that takes place in your life. What I mean by this is simple, your first instinct is that, 'Internal You'. Now this can be very frightening, as your first reaction to a given situation may not be the most positive, that's okay. What this instinct is telling you is, on a very deep level this is how you feel or think. This doesn't mean that you should suppress the negative and only let the positive come to the surface. What it means is, you need to acknowledge both. This needs to be done in a manner that is comfortable for 'You".
How people view your life should be irrelevant to you. You're the only one actually living your life. Before anyone can help another human being, they must first be on a path of self understanding. I hear people giving others advice all the time; I always have questioned the motives of those 'advice givers'. I have found through countless conversations that most people project their failures or desires onto the person they're giving advice to. This to me is a classic imbedded issue of society we face. People are always willing to tell you what they think about what you should do. Sometimes this advice can be coming from someone who doesn't want you to be successful. The interesting part about that statement is, they a lot of time, don't even know that. I use the example of two women in relationships they don't want to be in anymore. First woman finally decides she's going to leave her husband. She proceeds to tell her best friend (Woman #2), who encourages her to stay and work it out. After a couple months of conversation with her best friend she decides to stay and 'work it out'. Six months later, woman #2 leaves her husband. When the first woman asked woman #2 what was going on. She simply replied "I've had enough of doing what everyone else expects from me, I'm going to live my life for me". Now the first woman was understandably upset, when hearing this news; she had been talked out of doing something she wanted, by a friend who wanted the same thing. Woman #2 admitted sometime later that she had the feeling of leaving years before, but, did what she was taught to do, live for others.
There is no right or wrong way to take control of your life. That's the beauty of being unique, there's only one of you. Some people will use other people for inspiration; some will internally develop that drive for more. Whatever road you take to finally 'Being You', is your road and your road alone. We have to stop needing external stimuli to make us do what we know we need to do. The problem with that method is you have fewer follow-throughs on your personal promises to yourself. You tend to associate your success with someone else's approval of your decision to go down that particular path. It is good to bounce things off of other people, however, there's a fine line between getting advice and making a decision based on that and doing what you really want to do. People are easily persuaded when getting parallel feedback. We are less accepting of opposite feedback. The point with this is, it shouldn't matter one way or another what anyone else says. You should always have faith in yourself; that you are doing what you want to do, not what you have been conditioned to do.
Being You starts with understanding what drives you, what makes you happy, and what your failings are in your own eyes. No one should ever be more critical of you than you. The issue is; your criticism of yourself needs to be rooted in your view of you, not your view of you based off what someone else is telling you....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
In all of our lives there comes a time when in your head you say, "Enough is Enough". You start to realize you can't live by other's standards anymore. This event is different for each of us. The fortunate few experience this event at a young age. The rest of us go through many ups and downs in our lives before we experience this event. Whether you're old, young, or somewhere in between you will experience this event at some point in your life. The complicated part of this is knowing it and acting on it.
To find out what it means to be you, is to learn to accept your thoughts and feelings about everything that takes place in your life. What I mean by this is simple, your first instinct is that, 'Internal You'. Now this can be very frightening, as your first reaction to a given situation may not be the most positive, that's okay. What this instinct is telling you is, on a very deep level this is how you feel or think. This doesn't mean that you should suppress the negative and only let the positive come to the surface. What it means is, you need to acknowledge both. This needs to be done in a manner that is comfortable for 'You".
There is no right or wrong way to take control of your life. That's the beauty of being unique, there's only one of you. Some people will use other people for inspiration; some will internally develop that drive for more. Whatever road you take to finally 'Being You', is your road and your road alone. We have to stop needing external stimuli to make us do what we know we need to do. The problem with that method is you have fewer follow-throughs on your personal promises to yourself. You tend to associate your success with someone else's approval of your decision to go down that particular path. It is good to bounce things off of other people, however, there's a fine line between getting advice and making a decision based on that and doing what you really want to do. People are easily persuaded when getting parallel feedback. We are less accepting of opposite feedback. The point with this is, it shouldn't matter one way or another what anyone else says. You should always have faith in yourself; that you are doing what you want to do, not what you have been conditioned to do.
Being You starts with understanding what drives you, what makes you happy, and what your failings are in your own eyes. No one should ever be more critical of you than you. The issue is; your criticism of yourself needs to be rooted in your view of you, not your view of you based off what someone else is telling you....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Sunday, August 15, 2010
When is it over?
Today we will talk about a topic that most of us have faced: When is it over?
This topic is an interesting and sometimes complex situation. We will touch on many different aspects of this question. We all have faced that point in a relationship when we say to ourselves, "I need to get out of this relationship". What we will talk about today, is when you actually make the move and when you truly knew it was over, in your head. These can be two very distinct times during the relationship or they can occur at the same time, however the latter is very rare.
Let us begin with 'When you truly knew it was over', as this for most of us can be something that is hidden and not talked about much. In every relationship which comes to an end, there's a point in the relationship that in one or both of your minds, you want out. This actually can be a very subtle situation, hence the 'hidden and not talked about much' statement I made. Think back through past relationships, think about a time during a relationship when you thought, "Wow I can't believe she/he did or said that". Now as you read that statement, you must take out the everyday things, when you say that to yourself. I'm talking about those times when you have said that to yourself, 'with the urge of flight in your mind'. You all know what I'm talking about. That moment, however fleeting, when you want to be as far away from this person as possible. This is the beginning of the end. To put this point in perspective, it's like getting shot in the stomach with zero chance of medical intervention. It may take hours or even days, but, you're already dead, your Brain just doesn't know it yet. It's no different in a relationship, you have already lost 'something', it's just a matter of time before you actually realize it and act.
Once you can think of yourself without this person, the relationship is over. There maybe many of you who say, "We've gone to counseling or We're working it out". OK, I'm probably going to upset many people, but, I have to share my opinion on 'counseling' and 'working it out'. Marriage or Couples counseling to me, is complete BS! To me, it's something which was created to tell you that you are crazy for wanting to end your relationship; that improving communication is the key to success. I absolutely agree, communication is an important key, which is why I encourage asking the questions from previous posts, early in a relationship. Now people will argue mightily with me on this one. I'm okay with that, but, I will bet that their arguments aren't truly how they feel, their arguments are more about the society brainwashing symptoms from which they suffer. Working it out is another fan favorite of mine. I'm confused about what exactly you are going to work out? One of you (or both) no longer wants to be with the other. As with counseling, all working it out does, is convince or keep the one that wants out, in the relationship longer. Once you want out 'GET OUT', you will do everyone involved a huge disservice by staying. Your relationship performance will suffer tremendously while staying involved with someone who you now wish to be without.
We have talked in other posts about making sure you do what makes you happy. The other piece is making sure your partner is happy with you. When I say this, it doesn't mean change who you are to meet their happiness. This is what most people do, and they wonder why their relationships are in such peril. The person you are with must accept you for you 100%, not 75%, 80% etc.. must be 100%. The flip side is you must accept them 100%. If at any point you are no longer able to accept who they are, it is time to move on. This also goes for the other side, if they don't 100% accept you, then you need to move on. I implore you to refrain from accepting less than 100% acceptance. Neither you or your partner deserve less than this. This may all sound easy enough, but, I point to the fact that we have very poor relationship results.
After reading this you're saying, "So when do I truly know it's over". My suggestion for anyone who is in a relationship is to use these two guidelines.
1. If you can see yourself without this person or develop feelings for someone else, it is over.
2. If this person tells you they don't want to be with you anymore or they have feelings for someone else, it is over.
I know people are saying "But I love Them", little secret for all of you...YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT FEELING. Even after you 'Get over them', you will still love them. Staying with someone when they or you can see yourself with someone else or have feelings for someone else, is a waste of the time of all who are involved. Some people may need to plan an exit strategy, and that is okay. Marriage and some committed relationships are, unfortunately, also business relationships. This CANNOT be ignored or downplayed. It's much like an Athlete and a ball club. The overall point is DO NOT stay in something that you want out of because of the societal pressures you may feel. Always live life your way....
Until the next post.....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
This topic is an interesting and sometimes complex situation. We will touch on many different aspects of this question. We all have faced that point in a relationship when we say to ourselves, "I need to get out of this relationship". What we will talk about today, is when you actually make the move and when you truly knew it was over, in your head. These can be two very distinct times during the relationship or they can occur at the same time, however the latter is very rare.
Let us begin with 'When you truly knew it was over', as this for most of us can be something that is hidden and not talked about much. In every relationship which comes to an end, there's a point in the relationship that in one or both of your minds, you want out. This actually can be a very subtle situation, hence the 'hidden and not talked about much' statement I made. Think back through past relationships, think about a time during a relationship when you thought, "Wow I can't believe she/he did or said that". Now as you read that statement, you must take out the everyday things, when you say that to yourself. I'm talking about those times when you have said that to yourself, 'with the urge of flight in your mind'. You all know what I'm talking about. That moment, however fleeting, when you want to be as far away from this person as possible. This is the beginning of the end. To put this point in perspective, it's like getting shot in the stomach with zero chance of medical intervention. It may take hours or even days, but, you're already dead, your Brain just doesn't know it yet. It's no different in a relationship, you have already lost 'something', it's just a matter of time before you actually realize it and act.
Once you can think of yourself without this person, the relationship is over. There maybe many of you who say, "We've gone to counseling or We're working it out". OK, I'm probably going to upset many people, but, I have to share my opinion on 'counseling' and 'working it out'. Marriage or Couples counseling to me, is complete BS! To me, it's something which was created to tell you that you are crazy for wanting to end your relationship; that improving communication is the key to success. I absolutely agree, communication is an important key, which is why I encourage asking the questions from previous posts, early in a relationship. Now people will argue mightily with me on this one. I'm okay with that, but, I will bet that their arguments aren't truly how they feel, their arguments are more about the society brainwashing symptoms from which they suffer. Working it out is another fan favorite of mine. I'm confused about what exactly you are going to work out? One of you (or both) no longer wants to be with the other. As with counseling, all working it out does, is convince or keep the one that wants out, in the relationship longer. Once you want out 'GET OUT', you will do everyone involved a huge disservice by staying. Your relationship performance will suffer tremendously while staying involved with someone who you now wish to be without.
After reading this you're saying, "So when do I truly know it's over". My suggestion for anyone who is in a relationship is to use these two guidelines.
1. If you can see yourself without this person or develop feelings for someone else, it is over.
2. If this person tells you they don't want to be with you anymore or they have feelings for someone else, it is over.
I know people are saying "But I love Them", little secret for all of you...YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT FEELING. Even after you 'Get over them', you will still love them. Staying with someone when they or you can see yourself with someone else or have feelings for someone else, is a waste of the time of all who are involved. Some people may need to plan an exit strategy, and that is okay. Marriage and some committed relationships are, unfortunately, also business relationships. This CANNOT be ignored or downplayed. It's much like an Athlete and a ball club. The overall point is DO NOT stay in something that you want out of because of the societal pressures you may feel. Always live life your way....
Until the next post.....
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Relationships Day 5
Today is a check in day: What have you learned from previous relationships?
I find that when I ask this question to someone, their answer is based on the time lapse between the question and the relationship. Naturally people have better reflections, the further they are from the situation. This is especially poignant because it's a proven fact, as we move away from an event, our access to that memory becomes less and less. What this means is, our mind fills in the gaps. So, let's put that in perspective; can you remember a situation where you were passionate about an event dealing with a relationship issue and as time went on you became less passionate? The purpose of this conversation path, is to make the point that we rely heavily on time to help us make relationship decisions. I believe this why we are stuck in this negative repeating cycle of failed relationships.
When you talk to someone who is in a new relationship, many more times than not, their partner walks on water. This is a classic reaction, and I'm actually not saying this is a bad thing. You should be excited about your new partner. The issue comes in when you haven't gone through the questions posed in previous posts. When it comes to human emotions, they are tricky, little devils that need some form of chaperon. This is all, "fine line" type of stuff. What I mean by this is, you have too be willing to let your heart be broken, without losing sight of all the things that tell you whether this person is right for you and you are right for them. These points are very important. Most people think it's enough that "They are into this person", however, the person must "Be into you to" as well.
Now this again is where the waters muddy, the initial attraction is sexual. When I talk about sexual, it doesn't necessarily mean jump in bed sexual. It speaks more to the animal urges which are embedded in our genes. Although we like to think we've evolved over thousands of years, there are thousands of studies that prove my point. This also is why things become cloudy. Two people who are attracted to one another more often than not, aren't exactly on the same plane with this sexual attraction. In an earlier post, I spoke about the fact that very rarely are two people on the same level in a relationship. This is even more prevalent in the beginning. What you end up having is, one person being heavily drawn for pure sexual fulfillment. We then have the other person who is attracted as well, but, more for what the other person stands for. Both of these are the same because both people are aroused by the other. The fact that they are aroused by different reasons is irrelevant, the arousal is the constant.
So where am I going with this you might ask? Good question...The point to all this is, are you really learning from previous relationships? Judging by the success of the average relationship, I would say no. The reason why we have trouble using previous relationships to help us going forward, is our glazed-eyed beginnings of new relationships. The reason we are glazed eyed is our internal workings. What I offer you through all these posts on this subject is, to look within to bring balance and understanding to your own life. This will help you to break from the norm. This will also help you to focus on your internal urges, needs, and goals. I believe people can either evolve mentally through osmosis of society, or direct personal evolution. I personally would rather have 100% control of how I move forward in my mental evolution. Living by others ideals will serve in adding to your misery. If you're not doing things that truly make you happy, I again ask, what is the point?
In these five points I briefly touched on preparing yourself for better (not perfect) success in dating. Some of my ideals may be foreign to most, but, I would challenge our track records. Poor relationships are a staple of our daily lives, so again I say , "What we are doing isn't working anymore". More open and honest dialog is needed on this topic. I don't profess to have the answers, though, I think we need to ask better questions.
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
I find that when I ask this question to someone, their answer is based on the time lapse between the question and the relationship. Naturally people have better reflections, the further they are from the situation. This is especially poignant because it's a proven fact, as we move away from an event, our access to that memory becomes less and less. What this means is, our mind fills in the gaps. So, let's put that in perspective; can you remember a situation where you were passionate about an event dealing with a relationship issue and as time went on you became less passionate? The purpose of this conversation path, is to make the point that we rely heavily on time to help us make relationship decisions. I believe this why we are stuck in this negative repeating cycle of failed relationships.
When you talk to someone who is in a new relationship, many more times than not, their partner walks on water. This is a classic reaction, and I'm actually not saying this is a bad thing. You should be excited about your new partner. The issue comes in when you haven't gone through the questions posed in previous posts. When it comes to human emotions, they are tricky, little devils that need some form of chaperon. This is all, "fine line" type of stuff. What I mean by this is, you have too be willing to let your heart be broken, without losing sight of all the things that tell you whether this person is right for you and you are right for them. These points are very important. Most people think it's enough that "They are into this person", however, the person must "Be into you to" as well.
So where am I going with this you might ask? Good question...The point to all this is, are you really learning from previous relationships? Judging by the success of the average relationship, I would say no. The reason why we have trouble using previous relationships to help us going forward, is our glazed-eyed beginnings of new relationships. The reason we are glazed eyed is our internal workings. What I offer you through all these posts on this subject is, to look within to bring balance and understanding to your own life. This will help you to break from the norm. This will also help you to focus on your internal urges, needs, and goals. I believe people can either evolve mentally through osmosis of society, or direct personal evolution. I personally would rather have 100% control of how I move forward in my mental evolution. Living by others ideals will serve in adding to your misery. If you're not doing things that truly make you happy, I again ask, what is the point?
In these five points I briefly touched on preparing yourself for better (not perfect) success in dating. Some of my ideals may be foreign to most, but, I would challenge our track records. Poor relationships are a staple of our daily lives, so again I say , "What we are doing isn't working anymore". More open and honest dialog is needed on this topic. I don't profess to have the answers, though, I think we need to ask better questions.
Sincerely,
Mr. P36
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)